The Gift of Hard Truth

My good friend Kelly says that Simon Cowell is living proof that, deep down, people really want to hear the unvarnished truth about themselves. In his role on the judge's panel on American Idol, Simon is the brutal one. Whenever one of the poor amateurs delivers a miserable performance it is Simon who most often tells it exactly how it is and seems to relish going over the top in his colorful and often unduly harsh criticism. Yet as you watch the nervous contestants await their critiques, almost all of them are waiting to see what Simon says about their talent. They know Paula will say something nice - even if it isn't true - and Randy is usually gentle and non-specific. But Simon is sure to deliver cold reality - not usually kind, but always accurate.

I'm not sure I agree that everyone wants to hear the truth. I personally know too many people who have no self-awareness and refuse to listen to anyone bringing truth. But I do think good leaders must deliver the truth anyway - good or bad. It may be one of the biggest responsibilities that a leader carries. If we don't tell our people the truth about themselves - good or bad - how can they grow? If we don't point out the good things they are doing, how can they know they should repeat them and build on them? If we don't hold up the mirror to the shortcomings, how can they know what they need to work on?
Speaking as a recovering people-pleaser, I admit that holding people accountable is not something I enjoy. In the past, I have looked the other way to avoid having to deal with someone whom I know needs correction. Sort of like pretending I don't see the lady's slip showing or the spinach on her teeth. But the fact is we do her a favor when we let her know that something is amiss because we assume she will want to take care of it.

I have learned that this is the attitude and approach I need to take with people I manage. I assume that they would want to know so that they can 'take care of it'. Even my tone of voice helps to take the edge off of negative feedback as I say, "I know you want to know about this area so that you can make necessary adjustments." It helps me deliver hard truth - and helps her save face.

I have also caught myself postponing, hoping the problems would correct themselves. They almost never do, because she is simply unaware there is a problem!
I have also tried beating around the bush about the issue and sort of joking my way through negative feedback. Again, this is simply counter-productive to real change, growth and improvement. Humor may be appropriate after we've worked through the difficult feedback, but too many jokes leave the impression that the issue was unimportant.

Painful experience has taught me an important lesson - when delivering feedback (even to volunteers!) I have to apply the golden rule and treat others the way I would want to be treated; with respect. Respect those you manage enough to tell them the truth. Assume that they are as mature as you are and can handle - and even welcome - a bit of well worded, well timed, constructive truth.
Don't wait. Don't hide. Don't be vague. Just bring it to their attention and say what needs to be said.

Proverbs 27:6 The wounds of a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.