At our staff meeting just before the Thanksgiving holiday each of us shared what our ideal Thanksgiving would look like. Some shared a memory of a perfect Thanksgiving they enjoyed some years ago. Others fantasized about an imaginary perfect feast on an island in Tahiti or in a cozy cabin in the mountains of Colorado. A few of my co-workers were willing to admit to the brokenness in their families, as well. But I noticed that those highest in leadership on our staff seemed to be the least transparent.
I had to admit that my perfect Thanksgiving would simply be one where my family would all be willing to be together in one room for one afternoon and share a meal. I felt safe enough to share how sad I am about my broken family - but not safe enough to tell this ministry staff how I struggle to love and accept my relatives who refuse to forgive and reconcile. I also don't feel safe to admit the resentment I feel towards those same relatives and how hard I struggle to let go of it.
I don't advocate sharing the gory details of our sin struggles with just anyone, but I do wonder why those in the so-called "highest positions" hide these struggles from those who serve alongside them in ministry. Surely they don't believe that coworkers don't see their junk. Or do they think that the followers would lose respect for them if they admit to battles with their flesh?
I believe the opposite is true. I believe that as we share - in appropriate ways at appropriate times- the reality of our imperfect selves and our battles with our own flesh, we become the authentic leaders that others willingly follow.
Since those who serve with us already know the truth of who we really are, trying to pretend otherwise keeps our followers at arms length relationally. How can trust grow between leaders and followers in such a pseudo-relationship?
What are we risking really by sharing our real selves with those we lead? What do we risk by trying to be who we are not?
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