I had a conversation last night with that same co-worker about the difference between what often passes for "leadership" and what is in reality "manipulation". We once had a person on staff who professed to be a super-duper leader. Something of an expert.
We didn't see that. What we saw was some heavy handed attempts at persuasion; sometimes direct and overt, other times through back channels and doors that put people in uncomfortable positions or drew them into the scheme.
I think it was Maxwell who said manipulation is "I win and you lose"- leadership is "You win, I win and most importantly, the organization wins." That's true, but servant leadership is really even more. It focuses on helping the person win, completely believing that if that person wins, the organization will win because that person is winning.
For example, my ministry assistant has the opportunity to move up to a new position. I will miss her terribly if she decides to take it. I honestly dread the thought of looking for her replacement and then training her replacement. But, none of this is about me. Someone realized that she is over qualified for her position and made her an offer that would help her win and help the organization. As good as she is at her current job, if she is not growing personally/professionally she will very soon become bored and either leave or hold the organization back if she stays. Stagnant people hold the organization back from achieving it's mission.
With that in mind it's easy to see that the manager's job is to keep his employee stretching and growing whatever their position so that the organization will move forward - but the focus is on the person and not on the organizational goals.
If we focus on developing /serving the person the goals will be achieved.
Servant leadership.