Influence

Influence is a fascinating thing to me. Sort of like wind. You can't really see it but you can see the effects it has on things in its path.
Irrespective of gender, race, title, position or class, influence often belongs to people who don't seek it, don't need it, and don't even know they have it. If we have influence, it's because others give it to us. One can't make up one's mind to have influence. You cannot decide to be an influencer. One day you just realize that people seem to make up or change their mind after hearing from you.
Someone in the middle of the organization or group can have a tremendous amount of influence. I really like that. And I like that wherever people are in a group, eventually, one or more people will become the influencers. They may be influencers for good or influencers for evil - but the dynamic of leadership happens. Every time.

Conflict

Tomorrow I travel to train a women's ministry team in conflict resolution. I've never trained on the topic before but now I'm an expert.This is a fairly new team - they've been together only a year - and most of them are new to ministry. My guess is that they, like so many who are new to ministry, may be under the impression that serving the church is like working in a spiritual wonderland. You know, where everyone agrees because, after all, we all want what Jesus wants and we want it the same way at the same time. If only it were like that for even one day. That would be amazing.
Reality is, even if every one of us is saved, we are only a little bit sanctified and we still really like to get our way and for everyone else to agree and think our ideas are terrific. It rarely happens.
I'll begin by setting the record straight; conflict happens. Even in the most holy of human situations. One definition of conflict is "two people living in the same county." So it's okay for women that love Jesus to disagree. It doesn't give them license to be disagreeable- but it's absolutely okay if your team experiences conflict. In fact, some conflict is actually a very good thing. A very good thing.
Without conflict, bad ideas go unchallenged and mediocre ideas go without improvement. Without conflict we have groupthink which can lead to all kinds of uneffective ministry. They blame the space shuttle disasters on groupthink.
So this weekend this ministry team will learn to embrace conflict, manage conflict and resolve conflict.
I pray that God will make it better than the vehicle delivering it.

I sometimes get the feeling that people think I'm being closed minded when I lump people into leader vs non-leader categories. I get a little defensive and feel I almost need to explain that I don't mean it in a derogatory way, I simply know that some people are not leaders. Not everyone is and that's perfectly ok. I respect people who are not leaders. Most of my friends are leaders simply because we have the same interests and passions...birds of a feather. But, leaders are not better people than non-leaders. In fact, they have the potential for greater damage than non-leaders.
I get frustrated when non-leaders are in leadership positions because I see the harm (to those who are asked to follow) and missed opportunities (for growth in the organization) that result. But, I am grateful for those who are not leaders who look for ways to support those who lead.
I didn't always see this distinction. I just assumed that people in positions of leadership were leaders and people who were not in those positions were not. Boy was I wrong. Turns out nearly half the people I meet in leadership positions are not leaders.
It's important to know, isn't it? I have made some costly mistakes assuming that someone was a leader when they weren't. I've handed off responsibilities and projects to people who had the title and the credentials that made me think they were leaders, only to find out later they weren't capable of leading at all. They had no vision, they couldn't come up with a plan, and they couldn't rally people around them to help them. Meanwhile, time was lost, that person was embarrassed and discouraged, and the relationship needed time and attention to recover from my faulty assessment of their leadership abilities.
I've learned that I have to actually spend some time around someone before I can tell if they are a leader. Just recently I thought I met someone who I believed was a very strong leader. She said the right things, read the right books, and even described herself as a leader developer. Turns out she is a manipulator and not a leader.
On the other hand I also know a young woman who many said was a bit of a ditzy dreamer. It didn't take long to see that she is a young leader who just never knew she was a leader. Now she is soaring and still dosn't really see herself as a leader.
I've discovered that there are a few clues that you spot early on.

1. Leaders are compelling communicators. When they talk, people listen.
2. Some leaders are outspoken, others are soft spoken, but either way leaders have opinions and a point of view about things. They are not "oh whatever" people.
3. They are often critical, but they are solution oriented. They don't complain just to complain- they complain to force changes that will improve. Leaders are relentless improvers.
4. Leaders make you think. When you walk away from a leader you are usually pondering something they said or showed you. Often about yourself.
5. Leaders have ideas. They are creative thinkers- not always planners - but always thinkers.
6. Leaders love people. If you meet someone who doesn't like people, she is not a leader. Leadership is a influencing people towards change. She cannot influence those she doesn't like. They will know it and they will not follow someone that doesn't like them for long (unless you pay them lots of money!).

I had a conversation last night with that same co-worker about the difference between what often passes for "leadership" and what is in reality "manipulation". We once had a person on staff who professed to be a super-duper leader. Something of an expert.
We didn't see that. What we saw was some heavy handed attempts at persuasion; sometimes direct and overt, other times through back channels and doors that put people in uncomfortable positions or drew them into the scheme.
I think it was Maxwell who said manipulation is "I win and you lose"- leadership is "You win, I win and most importantly, the organization wins." That's true, but servant leadership is really even more. It focuses on helping the person win, completely believing that if that person wins, the organization will win because that person is winning.
For example, my ministry assistant has the opportunity to move up to a new position. I will miss her terribly if she decides to take it. I honestly dread the thought of looking for her replacement and then training her replacement. But, none of this is about me. Someone realized that she is over qualified for her position and made her an offer that would help her win and help the organization. As good as she is at her current job, if she is not growing personally/professionally she will very soon become bored and either leave or hold the organization back if she stays. Stagnant people hold the organization back from achieving it's mission.
With that in mind it's easy to see that the manager's job is to keep his employee stretching and growing whatever their position so that the organization will move forward - but the focus is on the person and not on the organizational goals.
If we focus on developing /serving the person the goals will be achieved.
Servant leadership.

I had a pretty good week even though it was a rollercoaster ride.
The highlight for me was getting to work on a project with a co-worker that I don't usually work alongside. The one time we have worked together there was some serious friction. This time, things were different and I've been assessing why it was different.
She joined the staff only 8 months ago and her role has shifted a few times keeping her and the rest of us a little off-balance. The last project she and I worked on I was under the impression that she was my superior. I kept trying to follow her but she wouldn't lead. She got really frustrated with me and I with her. I couldn't seem to figure out how to solve our conflict even though I tried several times. She ended up talking behind my back a bit but I just let it go.
I couldn't figure out why things went so badly.
Now, looking back, I realize that she is not a leader and I kept treating her like she is. She has no clue how to lead and she desperately needed direction. Every time I tried to assert some, even a little bit, she would argue and become irritated. I would back down because....well, I believed she was my superior.
This time I treated her as I would a teammate and things went great. I was firm with her about making our meetings and doing her part. She responded well and we worked great together. As soon as she got focused in we started clicking. Now she will get to present the project to the President and she is open to me coaching her on her presentation. She has mentioned more than once that this has been the best partnership she has experienced since joining our staff. She is amazed out how differently we worked together this time around.
It's incredible what establishing clear roles does to make a team work well together. Without that clarity we were both frustrated and the partnershp dissolved. Knowing who had what authority allowed us to click and a little synergy actually happened!
I love team!